Sunday, 21 February 2010

How to Jump on the iPad BandWagon

Hello my AWESOME readers, It's Guest Blogger Paul O'Shit, CEO of Clog The Internet PLC. Here once again, to tell you how to boost your site ratings, like a 50 year old with a weekend supply of VIAGRA in a CHEERLEADERS dressing room.

You know, I was at a school reunion the other day, and some of my former classmates, through hard-work and dedication, had found considerable success. One friend had a successful surgery, another a partner in a law firm, and another running a successful manufacturing business. After the reunion, I was thinking about their success, and you know what ? I have something much better than that, I have the illusion of success

Listen to me ranting away here, its time to get on with this month's SEO Advice. Today my awesome readers, I am going to tell you how, you can boost your website awesomeness by jumping on the bandwagon of the iPad.

If you have been following my advice so far, no doubt you have a blog/s over loaded with how to how to and how to state the bleeding obvious. Now, some of you more awesome readers (don't worry, if you keep reading my posts you will all become awesome) may be asking me, why I have waited for now to tell you about how to monetise on the back of the ipad and not two weeks ago. Well, that was to wait for the so called edited websites to get out of the way, I mean, who really wants to read engadget ?

Now onto, how you can turn the iPad into a success for YOU!

Firstly, you don't need to buy one, I am certantly not going to waste my money on what is essentially a high tech tea tray. You can say, you are an expert on the iPad. I will be opening up all my posts with the fact, that I have been using it for three years.

Before continuing, I would like to point out, I normally charge $900 for this kind of advice, but beacuse you are awesome. YOU CAN HAVE IT FOR FREE - but please, keep it a secret.

Remember where I said before, that if you have been following my advice you should have by now, blog/s overloaded with tedious crap ? well, take a look at my how to how to post, and now look at the below

How to Write the How to, How to for the iPad

1. Firstly if you are going to write a How to How to for the iPad, academics and the rest of the world might argue that it takes at least 10'000 hours to become an expert. They are wrong, you too can be an expert by simply googling the subject you have choosen for your blog and copying and pasting the results. This works especially well on the ipad. If you really want to sound like you know what you are talking about, you can even use wikipedia.

Remember, you should spend at least a whole five minutes rewording what you have copied and pasted so that content is ORIGINAL. iPad readers, love original content. I often find copying the opening paragraph from one source and the second from another can speed this process up.

2. Next thing is KEYWORDS, these are vital so your blog appears high on people searching the terms iPad.....

See what I am doing ? I am recycling all my old posts and dropping in the word iPad where I can. Look, heres the opening paragraph from the How to state the bleeding obvious post rewritten.

Hello, its Paul o'Shit here again on his iPaid, SEO Bollocker for Clog the Internet PLC. I hope you are looking at the picture on your iPad and thinking - gosh Im SEX in my new clothes, and how successful does that Jacket make me look!

The key thing is to just just randomly dig out your old posts, stick the word ipad in there every few lines and repost with iPad in the title. Don't worry about the danger of someone reconising the content, no one comes back to your blog anyway.

Keep thinking you are AWESOME!

Paul O'Shit
SEO Bollocker
Clog the Internet PLC

Ps. If anyone in the San Francisco area needs babysitting, grocery fetching, dog walking etc. please get in contact.

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