Well, firstly you are AWESOME for noticing my new robes, more awesome than a van load of CHEERLEADERS and a week supply of VIAGRA.
After the popularity of my How to write the How to, How to. I thought I would share some of my more AWESOMENESS with you, because did I mention? YOU ARE AWESOME! By the time you have finished reading this article, you'll be even more AWESOME!
The following are 6 SEO secret tips on how to make your 'state the bloody obvious' articles more awesome:
- People love being told that they are on the internet. Before you even start the main bulk of your stating the obvious article, you may want to remind your readers of this fact. Try the following:
- Comprise a list of 10 signs that your readers are on the internet.
- Point out they are not reading this in a newspaper or watching it on television.
- Comment on how awesome they are for going on the internet and reading this post.
- I'm going to let you in on a secret here, possibly the most powerful way to get the bloody obvious across, is to pretend its a big secret in your ramblings and then reveal it at the end. Do not forget to comment on how your revelations will make your readers more AWESOME. Scorn on those who have already got it in the first sentence.
- Trust me when I say this, people love reading long lists, especially when you manage to repeat what you are saying again and again. Look how well this SEO expert managed to repeat herself an incredible 80 times ! The more tedious the better, if you want to be AWESOME in the field of stating the bloody obvious.
- Readers like having explained to them, that they are browsing the internet when reading articles. Try the following on yours, so your readers know you are AWESOME!
- Pull together a list of signs that your reader may be on the internet.
- Note the fact that they are not reading this in traditional print, or watching it on the television box.
- Tell your readers they are awesome for managing to click on a link to your piece.
- There is a secret in the SEO world, that many SEO experts do not want you to know. But as you, my readers are awesome and only poo poo heads do not get this; It is to pretend the obvious is a big secret, and then reveal it at the end. Do not forget to remind how much more awesome your readers are afterwards.
- The more you can repeat your bleeding obvious statements in one article the better. This SEO has set the bar at 80! - Remember to change a word here and there, and swap a sentence or two. Remember, the more tedious the post, the more awesome the post.
You have been AWESOME for reading this.
Coming up next, How good content doesn't matter. Readers want Keywords, Keywords, Keywords.
Clog the Internet PLC
(Paul o'Shit whilst making millions from his SEO advice, would like to ask for donations to help him buy this weeks groceries. Naturally, you will be awesome if you do donate)